Managing PMDD Mood Swings in Relationships

Living with PMDD can feel isolating, especially when it impacts your closest relationships. Whether it’s with a partner, family, or friends, explaining what you’re going through—and asking for what you need—can feel overwhelming. You might worry about being a burden or that they just won’t “get it.”

But here’s the thing: healthy communication isn’t just about helping others understand—it’s about showing yourself compassion too. You’re allowed to ask for support, and the people who love you want to help.

Step 1: Be Honest About What You’re Experiencing

Start by giving yourself permission to be open about your PMDD. It’s not always easy, but clarity helps. You don’t need to give a medical lecture—just share your reality in a way that feels authentic.

Here’s an example of how you might explain it:
“Every month, for about two weeks, I experience something called PMDD. It affects my mood, energy, and how I interact with the world. Sometimes, I might seem distant, irritable, or upset, but it’s not about you. It’s a condition I’m managing.”

In Support Circle, my PMDD Support Program - we created a sign for the fridge with the four stages of the cycle and needs that you have during that time (like quiet time and rest in luteal). We've found this an awesome tool for couples and even sharehouses. 

Step 2: Set Expectations for the Luteal Phase

During PMDD episodes, you may not be able to show up in relationships the same way you do when you’re feeling well—and that’s okay. Let your loved ones know what to expect so they can understand your needs without taking it personally.

For instance, you could say:

• “I might need more time alone to recharge during this phase.”
• “If I seem snappy or overwhelmed, it’s not intentional. It helps me if we can avoid big conversations during this time.”
• “I’ll do my best to communicate, but I might need some extra patience.”
• “You can decide, I'm not able to make decisions today” (I love this and use it often!)

Setting these boundaries helps prevent misunderstandings and gives your loved ones a way to support you.

Step 3: Share Specific Ways They Can Help

Sometimes, people want to help but don’t know how. Giving them clear, actionable ways to support you can make a big difference.

You might ask for:

• Practical help: “Could you handle dinner this week or take care of [specific task]?”
• Emotional support: “I don’t need advice right now, but it would help if you just listened.”
• Space: “When I’m overwhelmed, I feel better if I can have some quiet time to myself.”

Remember, it’s okay to ask for what you need—this isn’t selfish. It’s about creating a team dynamic where everyone feels supported.

Step 4: Have These Conversations Outside of PMDD Episodes

The middle of a PMDD episode isn’t the best time to have these discussions. It’s harder to find the right words when emotions are running high. Instead, choose a time during your follicular phase, when you’re feeling clearer and more grounded.

Here’s a tip:
You could say, “There’s something I’ve been wanting to share with you about how I feel during certain times of the month. Is now a good time?”

Step 5: Create a PMDD Plan Together

Invite your loved ones to be part of the solution. This not only helps you feel supported but also gives them a clear idea of how they can help.

A PMDD plan might include:

• Signal phrases: Agree on a word or phrase that signals you’re struggling (e.g., “I’m having a PMDD day”).
• Support actions: Decide together what they can do when you use this signal—like giving you space, offering a hug, or helping with practical tasks.
• Check-ins: Schedule a time outside the luteal phase to review how things are working and adjust if needed.

Step 6: Release the Guilt

PMDD can make you feel like a burden, but you’re not. Communicating your needs doesn’t mean you’re asking too much; it means you’re showing up for yourself and your relationships.

Your loved ones care about you—they want to help, but they can’t read your mind. By opening up, you’re giving them the chance to understand and support you better.

Download the PMDD Episode Toolkit

If this feels like a lot to take in, you’re not alone. I’ve created a PMDD Episode Toolkit with resources to help you navigate these conversations and feel more prepared during tough days.

Remember, relationships are about give and take, and you’re worthy of being supported in the ways that matter most to you. If you'd like support from a group that totally get it, check out Support Circle.